“When you’re the victim of behaviour, it’s black and white; when you’re the perpetrator, there are a million shades of grey.”

Laura Schlessinger

You know how we make decisions about people? We see them do something, usually within the first few minutes of meeting them. Our brain creates an impression about them, and we peg them as being ‘smart’, ‘clumsy’, ‘conceited’, ‘ or ‘arrogant’, to name a few. 

I was chatting to a client the other day about one of her young associates. She was livid that this associate had consumed three alcoholic beverages at a client luncheon. Her exasperation was fuelled when the associate innocently stated that he did not know that he wasn’t allowed to have alcohol with clients, especially since many of the clients were drinking. To my client this was pure business etiquette. To the young associate, this was unreasonable.

Malcom was a young intern in an architectural firm, He was young, bright and naïve. He had experienced little of the real world, and he was both excited and nervous to embark on this new journey. He was joined by 2 other interns, Jack and Michelle. They seemed to know each other, so he immediately felt a little out of place. 

The three interns were met by one of the Associates of the firm. He explained that for the first few weeks they would shadow staff members, Architects, contractors, industrial engineers, client interactions, Associates, and the Executive Team. He informed than that the shadowing process was a formal one, meaning that they could not just wonder around where they liked. They would be told were to go, and how long they could stay to observe.

After the first few weeks, their internship would begin. Malcom was looking forward to that most, because he enjoyed structure and felt more comfortable in a formalised environment. Malcom was aware that he came across as being stiff and awkward. He felt that way too. 

Both Jack and Michelle seemed far more confident and relaxed in their new environment. They were friendly to everyone and it appeared as though they felt that they belonged there. They were not at all shy to ‘intrude’ or ask questions, and they quite happily made their way to the coffee station to help themselves to refreshments. They often asked Malcolm if he would like to join them, which he did. Both because he felt so along, and also because he wanted to become part of their little group.